I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
