i love accidental penises.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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