i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
