dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
