he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Lo siento on account of my penis...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
