dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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