There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
