Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
