he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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