like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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