I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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