some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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