So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
