I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
