she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize