i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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