Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
