he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
