I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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