Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
