My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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