I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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