cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
