what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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