just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
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