I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
