I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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