The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Randomize
