He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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