is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
