thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
