Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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