this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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