Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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