Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
