a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
