not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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