I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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