she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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