My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
