walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize