I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
