Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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