he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
