i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
