I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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