i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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