Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
