she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
