I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
