Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
