So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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