I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
