The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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