Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
