wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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