PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
