my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
