when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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