you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
