Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
