just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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