and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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