I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
