i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
