You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
