I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
